And the vomit floats to the top…

I went to go swim laps in the pool today but it was closed because some one threw up in it. Thats a buzz kill, I was all hyped to do some swimming and than bam, it was taken away from me. I’m not the strongest swimmer though. If you attacked me and then fled [...]

Is that a ciggarette in the bottom of your vodka and soda…

They say if you hold your ear to a conk shell you can hear the ocean. Well if you hold your ear to my belly button you will hear ” hey what are you doing listening to my belly button you freak” . Then I will leave. I don’t really drink any more, it sucks. [...]

Playing solitaire till dawn with a deck of 51…

I always say boredom is the sickness of a simple mind. Well in that case sign off on my GED cause I am bored. It happens on occasion even to the best of us. There is nothing I fear more than boredom… even more than sharks. If there was some kind of super shark that [...]

I’m letting my arm pit hair grow out long…

I’m freezing, when the hell is this global warming crap suppose to kick in. I’m in western Canada right now near the mountains, that will explain the chilliness. Cold climate is good though it kills any thing that might want to eat you, like poisonous bugs or dangerous hitch hikers. I’m prepping up for a [...]

Is my fly open, well than quit staring…

I started going to this gym, and I have no problem with it but during the day they have classes for mentally disabled people. Some of them with super human strength. One guy was starring at me and I thought he wanted my machine so I offered it to him, and he just kept staring. [...]

Whats with the Letter “Y” choose a side already…

I think my favorite food is Pad Thai. It’s delicious. I would venture to Thailand, apparently you can buy it on the street from vendors there just like hot dogs here in North America. That amazes me, you can apparently get prostitutes the same way. I’m not into that though, especially when there is perfectly [...]

Top 5 Mustaches in History!!! Finaly

Have you ever…… now hear me out on this one, farted in your car and came back an hour later and it still stunk. I’m not saying it’s happened to me before, but I’m also not going to say it hasn’t. What a day , I was up until around 5 in the morning. I [...]

Monkeys are people to, well kind of…

I went to the movies today and and seen that movie 30 days of Night. It was ok, the vampires would bite people than the victims would develop a horrible accent. I wonder if a vampire happened to bite a monkey, if it would turn into a vampire monkey. Or maybe monkeys started vampirism (not [...]

Show at a Bachelor-ette party

Also known as a stagette. It was an ok show, me in front of a room full of women. They always have penis shaped things at stagette’s. Penis cups, necklaces, hats they draw dicks on each others shirts. You never go to a stag and see a man drinking out of a vagina shaped glass, [...]

Stupid Myspace deleted me again…

I use myspace quite a bit. They have deleted me twice before just randomly and I got it back. I get emails off my website saying “what happened?”. Well Tom screwed up thats what happened, it had nothing to do with the pics of me in a speedo juggling porno magazines and smoking crack. These [...]