Yeah this is great, I love it… did you keep the receipt.

It’s the season for returning gifts, now we can take off those fake smiles and prepare to bring back the stuff we didn’t like. This year I received mostly hygiene related presents, are people trying to tell me some thing. I’ve been drinking lots of tea lately; they say that’s the first step to becoming [...]

Things not to give for Christmas…

Top 5 worst Christmas gifts: 5. A Yamacha ( the little hat that Jewish people wear): It just wouldn’t really make sense. If you feel the need to get your Jewish friend something, get them a ham. 4. Christmas card of yourself: Especially if in the card you are petting a cat… wearing a Christmas [...]

Well Turkey… you should have seen this coming

People get grumpy around Christmas time, especially in the mall. I hate getting stuck behind a slow person, its even worse when 2 slow people are holding hands creating some kind of slow ass barricade. People should be equipped with some kind of rear view mirror so they can see my long legged body tail [...]

We found coffee beans inside his left ventricle…

I’ve been going to starbucks lately, I don’t know if that makes me a bad person or just a weak one. There Soy Vanilla Lattes have been rated delicious by my belly. The coffee servers always try and be hip, they ask me things like “what’s hanging” or “how’s it going dog”. God bless there [...]

Change my oil with out the innuendo please…

I had my oil changed at Walmart today. I use them because they’re cheap and employ the elderly. I’ve seen people working there who would be taking a foolish risk by buying green bananas. This Walmart was attached to a mall, so I wondered it while I waited. It must have been dysfunctional family day, [...]

And underneath your tables you’ll find a gum buffet…

I was checking into a hotel this afternoon and the lady was giving me lots of attitude. I think it’s funny when people hand out the bitch ticket and want you to stamp it. When you’re throwing out attitude at work its showing every one you can’t pretend to like your job any more. Because [...]

Mirrors are for more than just hanging above your bed…

I’ve been going to the gym for the last month and a half quite regularly. Pretty much every guy who goes to the gym for more than 2 weeks thinks he’s now buff. You can see them flexing in the mirror, they either think nobody can see them or they just don’t care. I want [...]

Just Buzzing …

Wow I had a red bull earlier and a soy Latte about an hour ago now I feel all trendy. I can’t handle caffeine, I’m freaking out. I’m not very good at any thing in excess, even sun light I have to be careful with the dosage or I get all burned up. Currently I’m [...]

Just some thing to think about…

I don’t think most people know how to drive. It seems that anyone who can push a gas peddle gets a drivers license. They should license other things when you drive as well like driving in icy conditions or honking your horn while giving some one the finger. Once you get enough points you’re allowed [...]

you cant make a pancake with out cracking a few eggs…

I’m in Cranbrook it’s my second day here. Last nights show went well, and afterwards the other comic and I went to Denny’s. I couldn’t decide between the Country Scramble or the ultimate omelet. The Scramble came with pancakes but I asked the waitress if I could exchange the toast on the omelet for pancakes [...]