I’ll take mine with some junk in the trunk…

The city of Edinburgh is fun but my time here is almost done. There is no need for a car in this city as it’s easy to walk every where which is great. You are never alone on a stroll as for some reason drunks are staggering around and being loud at any hour. You can use it like a signaling system; to get home you head towards the familiar argument that goes on in your neighborhood.

Edinburgh is different from London in that the party scene here goes all night. Where as in London they start right after work and by 8pm every one is so drunk they have to choose a designated walker. By the stroke of midnight they’re all at home in an artificially spinning bed.

Since I’ve been in the UK I have refused to conform to their time zone. I will continue this protest until a few changes are made. They are as follows:

Top 5 changes to be made in the UK:

1: All faucets must be changed to a single spout system. No more of this one spout for cold and one for hot. You have to play a game of hand dancing trying not to scald your fingers but still get warm enough water to work up a good lather. I would say the rest of the world is probably at least 50 years ahead in faucet technology.

2: Less confusing money. One of the biggest coins is a 10 pent piece, how weird is that? The metal to make the giant pancake size metal disc must be worth more than that. It is mostly a coin system, so when you walk around your pockets jingle and hobo’s eyes light up like a burning Christmas tree. It’s a good thing though as a picket pocket will have to follow your around for like half an hour to get even a few bucks.

3: Get some dentists in this place. The world knows that the Brits have bad teeth but really they point off aimlessly from each other like tourists lost in a dirty city.

2: Call it football or soccer I don’t give a shit but it’s a game and not a reason to turn a drinking establishment into a karaoke bar. And if you do decide to break out into a camp sing along choose something that every one knows the words to like Hotel California or The Wheels on the Bus.

1: It’s called exercise; you can’t drink every night, eat deep fried haggis and not develop a muffin top (love handles). It’s bad to say but when you talk to a girl in this country you have to focus on just one thing, I’m like “wow, you have really nice…… thumbs”. But don’t get me wrong big booties are nice.

JU

Edinburgh Festival: Day 21 of 26

www.JamesTheComic.com

comment with a “Hell yeah” if you read these.