The Pumpkin had a candle for a brain…

I was at a pumpkin carving party last night. Wow some people take that shit seriously, by that I mean they can carve more than triangle eyes into those orange colored gourd like members of the squash family. The last thing people need to be handling after consuming alcohol is a giant knife, because if [...]

Who’s the middle man with all that cash?

I got a parking ticket in the wee hours of the morning. Roughly 10 am. Who the hell is up at that hour writing tickets, a cartoon Rooster? I often wonder what the home life of these parking Gestapo is like; they must have exact sections on their counter where they keep the blender and [...]

I was born a ramblin’ man, trying to make a living doin the best

Getting tailated and Douche of the Day!!!

I had to go pick up some flyers today for this show I’m doing in Chandler Arizona this weekend. The place was way out in Rancho Dominguez which is about 30minutes out of LA. Instinctively I brought a friend so we can use the car pool lane, which worked out nicely until some douche bag [...]

Want to make out in the back seat of my hybrid…

Finally today we finished filming the sketch that required live chickens. It took us a while to find a place that would sell them to us still walking with the heads on. I truly think they believed us to be chicken f**kers. I’m glad it’s over with; it was such a headache tracking down a [...]

You’re a pices, I guess that explains the fishy smell…

People who believe in and insist on telling you a horoscope are about as annoying as swass (sweaty buttocks area) and just as damaging to your underwear. Any human who believes that astrological signs can be used to predict the future should get a speaking role on that fake reality show “The Hills”, because they [...]