You’re a pices, I guess that explains the fishy smell…

People who believe in and insist on telling you a horoscope are about as annoying as swass (sweaty buttocks area) and just as damaging to your underwear. Any human who believes that astrological signs can be used to predict the future should get a speaking role on that fake reality show “The Hills”, because they are idiots and would be in good company.

I’ve been filming a short for the internet where I need a live chicken. It has actually been quite difficult to find live fowl in Los Angeles. I went to a spot where over the phone they said we could buy them alive but when we got there they flaked on us and said they would have to be executed first. They must have thought we were going to f**k it or something. Ah its LA anything is possible.

Top 5 things that should have been or be predicted by Horoscopes:

5. The current mortgage crisis: Gypsies must have been to busy looking for love connections and whether or not a Scorpio could date an Aries than spending a little time on the economy. Now 35 year old John q Public is back living in his parent’s basement with his family of 3 searching for an apartment that allows pets.

4. Monkeys they put in space: It would suck to be one of those space monkeys, especially because they had no idea they weren’t coming back. If it was possible to get a human’s horoscope it should not be so ridiculous to get those of any living animal especially some thing as close to humans like a primate. Monkey horoscopes would be better. (Write one).

3. Gas prices: It would be great to look in the paper and have the year’s gas prices laid out, id even settle for the week. Now there’s a prediction, I don’t care if my planets are aligned save me 20 bucks a week on fuel and I’ll worship your star voodoo.

2. The Up coming US election: Imagine if you got to learn who wins this year’s election and then you could decide if maybe you’ll buy a case lot of condensed soup and hide out in the mountains.

1. People who sell chickens can be lying bastards: I drove 20 minutes to get a chicken with a pulse and came back empty handed. I wonder where Colonel Sanders gets his gobblers from before they’re sprinkled with 7 herbs and spices. It would have been convenience squared to read my horoscope and know not to trust those people, as no chicken ever leaves alive!

JU

www.JamesTheComic.com

Write your monkey horoscope below in the comment function !!!