Desert, Snow, and Boob Shrinkage?

It’s been a strange month, for the last couple of days I’ve been pretending to not have hands. Not in person, I’ll just phone up random people and claim I dialed their number with my nose and if they would be kind enough to come by and feed me.

Boredom is a constant companion of a comedian, especially those with few hobbies. I try and stay pretty busy being up to shenanigans going to the gym and whistling at pretty dames. But there is only so much whistling you can do before your lips get all chapped and you look like you’ve been eating sun flower seeds all day.

I think that’s why so many comedians are pot heads and drink too much. Yep that’s right, most comedians don’t know how to whistle.

I’m in Vegas this week and then go off to Toronto for the weekend. I’ve been back in California for the month and have become accustomed to the nice weather. The shock of a Canadian winter will probably send my nads running deep into my abdominal cavity and turn my voice high pitched.

Top 5 things I hate about the cold:

5. You have to quit licking metal objects for an entire season.

4. Snowmen are the only species that have no females. I think if there were snow women people would try to F**K them. It’s confusing.

3. Getting your car stuck in the driveway. Nothing is more humiliating than forgetting to purchase winter tires and having the whole neighborhood witness your futile attempts to get enough momentum to clear that little ridge the snow plow made.

2. Shrinkage. Every winter your genitals are sent back to a prepubescent state. Women don’t experience this; I imagine they would be just as mad if cold weather shrunk their boobs.

1. Wet Socks. Trekking through the snow means that once you return to a heated area the frozen water particles will melt giving you wet socks. And nothing is worse than wet socks.

What do you think are the worst parts of winter? Answer in the comment function below.

http://www.JamesTheComic.com

Upcoming tour dates:

Kelowna , BC April 9 -11 Coast Capri Hotel
Williams Lake BC April 8 The Overlander Hotel
San Diego, CA March 3 Lestats: 3343 Adams Ave. CA 92116

Cobourg Ontario Jan 24/2009 The Down Syndrome Associaton of Peteroborough Fundraiser:
Please come support this great cause For more info contact Phillip at 1-866-656-9677.