is Canadain comic was born in Edmonton Alberta Canada and has plans on making the whole world laugh one person at a time, good news he now has
one.
Blog from way back in time, I was in England and I just wanted to put it up some where.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Toronto just the way I left it
I'm back in Toronto for the weekend then I'm heading out to western Canada for the next 8 weeks.
But first I have a show tonight in a bar that is featuring a buffet. Buffets are hard to follow, everybody with there belts loosened, to worried to chuckle in case
they might throw up a little in the back of their throat. The best audiences haven't eaten for days and when you do your set you juggle apples and nachos,
they are pleased. What am I talking about, somebody stop me, (fancy dance move) yeah.
Some people are afraid of the 33hour commute I am about to undertake in my travel out west, but those are the same kind of people who drive with pants
on.
James
Live free, live pant free.
Posted by jamesthecomic at 2:39 PM 1 comments
Thursday, October 19, 2006
What did they do before the Internet café
They probably broke into peoples houses and watched t.v. Or would practice pick pocketing.
There's a sign every 20 feet in London warning you about pick pockets. Its almost a novelty to get scammed here, like in that movie oliver "please sir may I
have another".
I had a night with no place to stay and couldn't get a hotel so I found a room at this bed and breakfast. It was pretty much a tool shed in the basement.
Every few minutes i woke up and was convinced some one was either watching me or going to kill me. I'm so stupid, they'd probably just rape me then sell
me to there bed and breakfast friends, I don't want to know how many grape fruits and jam containers Id be worth.
Waiting to go to the Comedy Store......
James
6 days left in the UK
posted by jamesthecomic at 1:10 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Guest spot at Uni Show turns into night of debauchery.......
Went out with a few fellow Canadians to a uni show last night and ended up doing a guest spot. It was lots of fun. Afterwards the complimentary booze
poured in, and some how i ended up in a dress chasing everybody through a hallway filled with doors. (parts of this story are true, some names and events
were changed to protect those involved).
Half way through the night I got traded to some cougars for a pack of smokes. I woke up on a leopard print sofa with bright red lipstick kisses on my chest.
The shame.
I have 7 days left in London. 2 gigs remaining and Ill probably stop by some more shows for guest spots.
James
The hung over ninja kills the dog that bit him.
Posted by jamesthecomic at 8:30 AM 0 comments
Monday, October 16, 2006
cold hand, hot hand
I'm sick of the dual sink faucets here (London), I miss the combination faucets of North America. I have to jump from side to side going hot hand cold
hand..... sucks. I got only a few shows left in England then I head back next Wednesday. Its been fun, I will bring back news and mail from the old world.
Later,
James Uloth
Now plague free
posted by jamesthecomic at 6:20 AM 0 comments
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Whats the deal with...... Paris
I went to Paris on Tuesday. Had a blast. Except... The louvre was closed that day. How do you shut down a museum on a weekday. The rest of the city was
cool, I went to the top of the Eiffel tower and spit off of it, by the time it hit the ground it turned into rain..... Magic rain.
I arrived on Tuesday at 1pm then left the following morning at 6am. I'm gonna have to go again because it was good fun.
I think I like Paris because they drive on the right side of the road. And they do every thing in excess plus cheese.
James
the French ninja says bonjour then you die
posted by jamesthecomic at 7:30 AM 1 comments
Sunday, October 08, 2006
staying at friends apartment- ghost?
My buddy went out of Country for 2 weeks so he gave me his apartment while he was gone. On one condition, I must slay the ghost that is his roommate. I
know what your thinking how can you kill something that is already dead. Well its called death to the power of 2. It is very rare but some times a ghost will
die and go to what is called ghost heaven, or if they were a bad ghost perhaps to ghost heck.
Any tips or ideas on how to kill a ghost let me know. Remember its a British Ghost.
James
now using ninja skills against the para normal
posted by jamesthecomic at 10:26 AM 1 comments
Friday, October 06, 2006
Last minute uni show went well.
I was suppose to go to Paris but got asked to do a show at Cornwall University last minute. I thought it would be fun and it was.
Went down with 2 other comics, took about 5 hours on the train to get there, but it was all good. I ended up getting really drunk afterwards which I haven't
done in awhile, but as long as the venue is buying who's counting. The good part is there was a party at a university and no strippers/hookers were killed.
Pics and footage coming soon.
James aloud
posted by jamesthecomic at 11:31 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
My sniffles have turned into a full blown cold- To Paris this Thursday
I've got a cold, shoot me.
I'm heading to Paris on Thursday. I haven't found a place to stay yet but I heard the French are really accepting and will probably let me sleep in one of
there barns just like Jesus. London has begun to get colder and the other day I played down with a hobo to share our warmth, he stole my watch and I
stole his hankie. We both won.
I left a jar of mayonnaise on the window ledge and I'm using the city as a giant refrigerator. News at 11
James Uloth
walking the streets throwing baking soda, trying to make my fridge smell fresh.
Posted by jamesthecomic at 2:58 PM 1 comments
Monday, October 02, 2006
Ive got a case of the sniffles
I'm at oxford circus, waiting to go on stage. The problem, I have the sniffles. Possibly due to an all night alcohol binge in Essex with my buddy Steve on
Saturday.
What Else?I might be in Paris for the weekend. It should be fun, I'm gonna stand near the Eiffel tower and ask every one where it is.
Quick question who likes my space more crazy people, or stupid people?
Answer were all a little crazy and some times that brings out the stupid inside of us. For instance people who take pictures of themselves in bikini's*. Or
your friend who takes a picture of himself without a shirt on, then sends you a friend request and gets mad when you call him gay.
James Uloth
the sniffling ninja
*BY THE WAY I AM NOT CRITICISING THE BIKINI PICTURES, I ENCOURAGE YOU TO KEEP TAKING THEM.
Posted by jamesthecomic at 11:19 AM 0 comments
About Me
My Photo
Name: James Uloth
Location: London/Toronto/Edmonton/Los Angeles
I'm a twenty something stand up comedian/ writer, and a horrible speller.
View my complete profile
Links
* Goggle News
* Edit-Me
* Edit-Me
Previous Posts
* Toronto just the way I left it
* What did they do before the Internet café
* Guest spot at Uni Show turns into night of debauch...
* cold hand, hot hand
* Whats the deal with...... Paris
* staying at friends apartment- ghost?
* Last minute uni show went well.
* My sniffles have turned into a full blown cold- To...
* Ive got a case of the sniffles
* London on fire, and I'm ready to piss it out
Archives
* September 2006
* October 2006
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Where In the world
Friday, September 29, 2006
London on fire, and I'm ready to piss it out
Catchy headline when I figure what it means Ill will let you know.
Just another day in the hood. I had a chicken sandwich for lunch and I'm waiting to go on stage and show them what I'm made of. Which is chicken
sandwich.
Some times when I speak to people from other parts of Europe it sounds like they are talking through a radio "hello-ski, krrr, over". Or I could just be a jerk.
James
If you aint bloggin you aint ballin. (I don't know)
posted by jamesthecomic at 11:21 AM 0 comments
Thursday, September 28, 2006
I go out walking, after midnight
After a show or when I have the night off, sometimes I go out walking. Much like the incredible hulk. Except if I get angry I just go back to the hotel, and not
on a rampage destroying things. I also am not green. Other than the walking the incredible hulk and I have very little in common.
I'm in an Internet café again this one is a lot nicer than the last, the keyboard is not greasy and I can scratch my face with out the fear of getting HIV.
Still in London for the next 3 weeks. I am surprised during these midnight walks the complete lack of wear wolves, that movie was full of shit.
James.
Caffeine buzzed.
posted by jamesthecomic at 2:14 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Runner up at the Comedy Store Gong Show
Isn't runner up just a polite way of saying I lost. There were 43 comics involved and I took 2nd. I lost to a man in a dress who was chased by a guy in a
gorilla costume (at least I hope it was a guy). Or it could be that I'm just bitter that I didn't win. It was a fun show though and a interesting experience.
James
fear the wrath of the bitter ninja.
posted by jamesthecomic at 5:11 AM 0 comments
Monday, September 25, 2006
A morning of beans and toast
I checked into a new place last night, it was absolutely horrible. So this morning I had some beans and toast and then got the hell out of there. I'm up near
Russell square again.
The place I was at is crazy, you had to go up 7 flights of stairs to get to your room. Then when you were at your room the bed was like a tiny cabinet in a
submarine. No showers worked on the floor so you had to go back to the main floor to use the showers. Every body complained when I walked around
naked, what a bunch of anti-towel flicking conservative wankers.
James
naked yoga in reception hurts no one
posted by jamesthecomic at 7:00 AM 0 comments
Friday, September 22, 2006
Internet café- London (Leicester square)
I'm in an Internet café waiting to get on stage. The neighborhood is a little dodgy and could be filled with ninjas. I had a red bull and I'm afraid that with my
extended energy I could go super nova. If you know me you would also now of my extreme sensitivity to most substance ex. Beer, coffee, red bull, nipples
etc.
The venue looks hoppin.
James
-on a red bull high
posted by jamesthecomic at 12:24 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
London- show take 3
Had a show last night (3rd one in London) at the t-bird bar, it was fun. Had some great comics on it.
I walked there it took me almost 2 hours and i got so lost that i actually found it. I love walking around england because there are really crazy drivers here.
You look left then right before you cross the street and some one still hits you from behind coming out of a hidden drive way, and while there parked on top
of you they honk the horn, watch where your going..... Hippie.
Its definitely a car first city, thats why they hid there train underground.
James Uloth
www.jamesthecomic.com
posted by jamesthecomic at 5:38 AM 0 comments
Monday, September 18, 2006
I'm in London- England
Ive been in London for almost 48hrs. I did my first show last night, it was OK, some stuff didn't pass over but thats to be expected.
I notice allot of peoples heads here seem to be more round, I want to ask some one if i can take a plaster mold of it and bring it back with me to compare
to heads in north America.
They have an area of town called speakers corner, where any one can stand on a crate and talk about what ever they want, people will ask you questions
and debate with them or call them names like cheese dick. Theres hundreds of people there to, if your in London make sure to check it out. Some guy was
talking about political stuff and I kind of zoned out because he had a bald head and there was a big bump on it, and all i wanted to ask is if he had a little
hat that would fit the bump.
James Uloth
www.jamesthecomic.com
keeping it ninja.
You might recognise him from his stand up comedy or from his popular videos on the Internet. This under ground comic is a favorite on stages around the
world. "Funny enough to put in your pants". Toronto Comedy, and comics in Toronto.
06.12.08
A giant epilepsy detector in the sky…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 8:35 pm by Administrator
They have equipped Toronto’s CN tower with flashing lights as if to say, “Epileptics you’re not welcome here anymore”. I was running around this city of
Toronto trying to get things done, people always say that Torontonians are ass holes.
I don’t know if that is true, I have lots of friends here that are nice. Then again there are like 5 million people in this tiny area, so chances are at least a
dozen or so can’t be complete douche bags. That’s just the law of statistics. And if there is one law I always follow that is statistics.
Top 5 strange facts: Gathered form the internet so they have to be true.
5: If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb: So never eat at taco bell.
4: Polar bears are left handed: Never challenge a Polar bear to an arm wrestle. Because they are carnivores and will eat your face.
3: Right handed people live slightly longer than left handed people: So take that polar bear, how does my face taste now.
2: A toothpick is the most chocked on object by Americans: Unless you Jared from subway, than that object would be a penis.
1: Ketchup was served in the 1830’s as medicine: It is now used mostly as lubricant to send burgers down your food hole.
JU
www.JamesTheComic.com
Check out my Toronto show this Saturday June 14. At the Zemra Lounge 778 St.Clair W, 9pm. Amazing things will happen.
Crazy CN tower light show, the scourge of epileptics every where.
Why what big teeth you have Mr.Polar bear. Better to eat your face with.
Permalink Comments
06.11.08
All dogs have side burns…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 10:12 pm by Administrator
I’m looking after some friends dogs during the day. By looking after I mean co-exist in the same environment. Nobody really wants me to be in charge of
their pets after I made that video about the cat watching me pee.
All these dogs are tiny; they could fit into a bag. They are nice; they always want me to play with them and act like some kind of attention vampires.
If you’re in Toronto come to my show this Saturday…. or die… eventually from natural causes.
JU
http://www.JamesTheComic.com
June 14 Toronto Zemra Lounge 778 St.Clair W. 9pm.Here is one of the dogs. This is when it was a puppy, it is much larger and vicious now.
Here is another one. It has awful breath lol.
Permalink Comments
06.07.08
Free nachos… why yes… now you die !
Posted in Main Ramblings at 9:57 pm by Administrator
I was walking to the subway eating some pizza and there was 2 guys handing out free nachos. The one guy said “you know what would go good with that
pizza some nachos”. Slow down there fellow, your giving away free nachos no need to sell me on them. Even if I was terribly allergic to the mighty chip I
would still realize there is value in the delicious snack.
So yes I took the nachos and had some wonderful times. They were the new Doritos collisions, when blue cheese and hot wings collide. They were ok, it
was a miracle how they maintained there own flavor in the bag. They were mixed together but held on to there seasoning like an old lady holds her purse
when there’s teenagers around. If people could just take a lesson from these chips there would be no war, and every one would get a long. The bad side
is if we were like those chips, some one would eat us.
Needless to say I think Doritos are probably 5 years ahead in chip technology. A few months ago I made a video on a planet of nachos. It was a sequel to
my stick man the magnificent short, it never really caught on though.
JU
www.JamesTheComic.com
Toronto show June 14, Zemra Lounge don’t miss it !
A nacho in space. A still from the Stick Man The Magnificent movie
I want a floating car. I get seasick so I don't think I'd take it on the water. But it's always great to have options, especially if you end up getting chased by
ninjas.
Permalink 1 Comment
06.06.08
The people on the bus go… frown, fart , stare
Posted in Main Ramblings at 8:25 pm by Administrator
I’m in Toronto right now; it’s always so humid here it makes me feel like a fat guy running. A lot has changed in this city, the buses all have a recorded
voice to let you know what stop is coming up. It is a lady’s voice and she sounds like she is judging you. They use to have the drivers yell out the stops but
they never really did it, the TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) drivers are usually pretty grumpy.
Most bus drivers in the world are happy; at least that’s the stereotype. But in Toronto they are like Russians with out Vodka, cagey, unpredictable and
always trying to kill Harrison Ford. A lot of them have forearm tattoos which leads me to believe they recruit straight from prison.
I hate when the driver hits the gas before the bulk of people sit down so there is a human tsunami shooting around and you end up with some 50 year old
Portuguese fellow sitting in your lap.
It’s nice to be back, I haven’t been in this end of the country for about a year. I have a show coming up next Saturday June 14 at the Zemra Lounge. If you’re
in the T dot check it out.
JU
www.JamesTheComic.com
Toronto Ontario June 14 at The Zemra Lounge 778 St.Clair W. 9pm.
sleepy Toronto bus driver
TTC Soupy butt. On February 22, 2006, John Martz created a TTC Subway Map with each station’s name as an anagram. The map, inspired by a similar
anagram map of London’s Tube, was an instant hit among Toronto’s online community.
Permalink Comments
06.01.08
Hey Jared from subway F**k you with a foot long…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 10:00 pm by Administrator
I wrote a blog on Jared from subway a few months back and that got almost more emails then any other controversy I’ve been involved with. I thought it
was ridiculous that people would idolize Jared for loosing weight. That is something you’re supposed to do, that would be like celebrating some one for
breathing.
What breathing is healthy, in my opinion any one who is breathing is a hero for just being alive. How about we celebrate the people who don’t get fat in the
first place, then we can have heroes with out stretch marks.
He’s always posing for pictures holding those giant pants. You never see a real hero, some one who has survived cancer walking around holding a
tumour. Get over yourself and welcome to the real world.
JU
http://www.JamesThecomic.com
Upcoming shows:
Toronto Ontario June 14
Windsor Ontario June 12
London Ontario June 19
Permalink Comments
05.30.08
Aliens came down from space and had sex with cavemen…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 9:32 pm by Administrator
I’m in a hotel lobby right now typing away frantically on my computer. This is a common occurrence for me as I spend half the year in random hotels of all
brands. From my various travels I’ve come to the conclusion that society has had a complete degradation of morals. All I can say is finally; it’s been a long
time coming. Most of are values in society are based on various organized religions, now it is time for the unorganized people to take over.
The party animal not give a shit life style also known as going Irish shall be adopted by all. That is a fascinating group of people, the Irish. The stereo type
is that all they do is drink and party. Wow sounds a lot like college, buy me a plane ticket. That’s what the Irish must have been thinking “hey college was
fun lets not stop doing that stuff”.
Of course that is just a stereo type and is not entirely true. It applies more to the Scottish actually, speaking of Scotland I’m there from July 31- August 25.
Be there or be a party pooper and get punched in the haggis bag.
JU
http://www.JamesTheComic.com
Tour dates:
Toronto June 14: This is a big show it is my return to the starting point show. The birthplace of my comedy career go to http://www.JamesTheComic.
com/Toronto for more details expect anarchy and good times.
Windsor Ontario June 12 The Roxy Entertainment Complex
London Ontario June 19 FC Locker room
Billings July 3 Billings Convention Centre
Idaho Falls July 2 The Pinecrest
Pocatello July 1 Ramada
Missoula June 30 Inn on Broadway
sexy cave women, does club size matter ask her?
Permalink Comments
05.24.08
Some times my job can be a pain in the ass…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 2:40 am by Administrator
I’m in Cranbrook British Columbia right now, at the Heritage Inn. I’ve talked about hotel procedures before but I think I’ll expand.
First 3 things I do when I get into a hotel.
1. Get Naked: nothing like some good nude time especially after a long drive.
2. Close blinds: it’s funny to get strange looks as you race to close the blinds realizing there is an old couple right outside your window.
3. Throw the stain collector off the top of the mattress: I’ve spoken about it in the past, if you shine a black light on that mattress cover the stains glow like a
hepatitis version of twister.
I was in a bar last night and it was the classic set up style of bar, but on the other side of the bar was another bar. And where normally there would be a
mirror was a window. I didn’t realize it at first and while I was taking a drink I looked through and coincidently on the other side was a middle aged man
with a bad comb over taking a drink at the same exact time. At first I didn’t realize it was a window and I thought I had aged horribly, and the guy made eye
contact with me and I think he thought wow I have hair. It was terrifying, like an episode of the twilight zone where at the end you have to play the hepatitis
version of twister.
Upcoming shows:
Toronto June 14
Windsor June 12
London Ontario June 19
pain in the butt
Permalink Comments
05.18.08
I think you are suppose to put that in your mouth…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 2:44 am by Administrator
I’m in Saskatchewan right now; a province in western Canada. It’s characterized by dust storms and pregnant teenagers. A nice enough place but the air
is so dry that it petrifies your boogers, they turn into tiny razor blades and when you touch your nose they stab at you like an angry greaser with a
switchblade. If I was in prison I would collect them and use them as a shank.
I’ve been on the road now for the last 6 weeks. I like traveling so it is no big deal; you learn the tricks of the road and can turn your hotel rooms into a
sanitary sanctuary. First thing you do is throw off the stain collector resting on top of your blankets. If you tested those things you could probably find
enough DNA to clone a football team. Some more good advice is don’t touch the remote and then your face, I think it is probably the dirtiest device even
ahead of the toilet.
What are your hotel procedures?
JU
http://www.JamesTheComic.com
cake and ass what else would you want?
Tour Dates:
Toronto Ontario June 14
Windsor Ontario June 12
London Ontario June 19
Permalink 2 Comments
05.12.08
Nice Towers…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 10:45 pm by Administrator
I notice that when I’m hanging out in coffee shops there seem to be lots of outside job interviews going on. That would rock to go to an interview and try
and scam a free bagel and tea out of the adventure. I should just schedule interviews through out the week and see what happens. I could dummy up a
resume claiming I’m extremely qualified and then I might be able to even pressure a sandwich out of the deal.
I’m heading to Ontario in the beginning of June. This was the birth place of my stand up career. I have some dates pending around the province but it
looks like I’ll be playing Toronto on June 14. It’s an interesting city where you can walk down the street and be ignored in several different languages, I like
the multiculturalism though. At times the place can get a little snobbish but I like it. It’s as close to a big American city that you can get in Canada, but its
still fun as I’ll get to see some of my old friends.
JU
http://www.JamesTheComic.com
Toronto June 14
nice boobs cn tower
Permalink Comments
05.10.08
Nice legs, want to check my balance…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 12:07 am by Administrator
I went to the bank today; they always have some hot tellers working. It’s hard to flirt with them when they have your bank information right in front of their
eyes. Nothing makes you feel like a looser more than when some one can look at your financial records.
5 other awkward places to meet people:
5: The STD centre: They can just be there for a check up, but is it worth the gamble.
4: The Zoo: Because you never know if it’s just a shaved monkey trying to use your help to escape
3: A Hanna Montana concert: Unless you’re in Junior high, then it might work out.
2: A Tijuana donkey show: The kind of people who go to a donkey show, aren’t the type you can bring home to mom. Or back across the border, also you
might end up at the number 5 place.
1: Myspace: The chances of them being crazy are multiplied exponentially by Tom. Unless they are on the cool new people function, then they might not be
foaming at the mouth crazy. Try and meet people on facebook, the worst they could do is poke you.
JU
http://www.jamesthecomic.com
centaur weird people
I found this picture online, captions included. Wow there is some weird people out there.
01.28.08
Like a fox…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 8:40 pm by Administrator
I’m in Hollywood right now, I had scheduled the next 8 weeks off for TV pilot season but with the writers strike in effect it’s a ghost town. So I’m thinking
about taking up a hobby like swearing just to keep me busy.
This town is like fly paper for crazy people. But it’s the worst kind of nut balls, the kind with dreams. For instance you take a normal whack job they are
perhaps mildly bothersome but now give that same whack job a dream and they’ll set the annoy laser to kill. I find it all amusing though, mostly because I
have a warped sense of humor.
The making of Stick Man the Magnificent vs. The Nacho King is in full swing and that is keeping me more busy than swearing ever could. Who would have
guessed that a shitty animated short would take so much time. But this episode is jam packed with special effects and hot nacho action, so the effort
should be well worth it.
JU
picketing
Permalink 1 Comment · Edit
01.24.08
Even house flies do it a few times a day…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 7:04 pm by Administrator
I played at a casino last night, I don’t know what it is about casinos but I always notice a lot of people don’t wash there hands in the bathroom. It’s almost
like they stare at me and whisper to themselves while I’m at the sink, “What’s that weirdo doing, rubbing soap on his hands, ha”.
It makes me just want to wear gloves big enough for me to put my whole body into. Maybe most people don’t wash there hands any ways, I always do
especially if it looks like there is a snitch on the inside who would tell every one if I pee and dash. That’s what we need is scare crow mannequins in the
bathroom that have an audio track saying “I’m telling”, then we can trick people into lathering up their greasy mittens.
JU
scarecrow
Permalink 1 Comment · Edit
01.23.08
You’ll never guess what I found…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 3:37 am by Administrator
I got an oil change and a haircut today; I’m a brand new man. That is about as exciting as things got, as I’m at my moms house deep in the mountains
visiting her. It’s weird to see things from my childhood; I don’t think my mom throws any thing out. I was digging through a box and surprisingly enough
found my umbilical cord, ok that didn’t happen.
They are starting to save umbilical cords now for various medical reasons. But I could think of some better non medical uses of this birth time throw away.
Top 5 uses of the umbilical cord
5: Connect your Nunchuks, finally you have an environmentally friendly option besides chain or rope.
4: An improvised lasso, in case your regular lasso is in the shop or not available.
3: A work out elastic band. You’ve seen these devices on infomercials or perhaps in the gym, well now you have your own and the resistance is set at least
a fraction higher then your exact birth weight.
2: Sausage holder. Finally you have a sleek designed carrying case for your sausages, no more need to carry them in your pocket like loose change.
1: Emergency weather stripping on your car. Have you ever been on a long commute when you start to hear the wind come in through the crack between
the door. Stuff the cord in that crack and problem solved, a temporary but effective fix.
What would you do with your umbilical cord?
JU
umbilical cord
Permalink 1 Comment · Edit
01.22.08
The last days of Rasco…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 3:43 am by Administrator
My mom is going to put my childhood dog to sleep. She is getting very old and is not doing so well. It is always an awkward time when a family pet get
sentenced to death. It can be hard to make the final decision to end them as they have established a position in the family. It would be like sentencing your
grandma to death because she uncontrollably poops on the floor and has gone blind.
I wonder if they have retirement homes for pets, where she could go get doggy dialysis or perhaps some contact lenses. Then she could play bingo and
make sweaters like other old people, and when we went to visit her during the holidays or the occasional Sunday we would feel guilty. You decide what is
more humane, because I have no idea.
JU
Rasco
Permalink 1 Comment · Edit
01.19.08
There’s gold in them there hills…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 11:16 pm by Administrator
I’m on the last night of my 5 show Northern Tour. I played the Lido Theater yesterday and it was awesome. The show was sold out and the venue was
amazing, it was in a weird little city known as Fort Saint John. People are pretty bush whacked up there and are amazed by any thing that is shiny or in my
case being amplified by a sound system.
Nice people though, every one was really friendly and treated my opener and I really well. There was a snow fall so the commute to the final destination
was a little slippery, like break dancing on a banana peel. I’m currently in a hotel room in Dawson Creek and it’s nothing like the popular television series.
But I can honestly say I never really watched that show so perhaps then maybe it is, but did Katie Holmes have cold sores?
JU
Katie Holmes
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01.17.08
Are you a penguin… or just a midget in a tuxedo
Posted in Main Ramblings at 7:22 pm by Administrator
I’m officially in the middle of no where. I passed the 0 mile on the Alaska highway about 50 miles ago. Things up here are different, I’ve learned to survive
using only my Visa and keen sense of direction aided by my gps navigation system. I’m officially a mountain man, I do what I have to do to survive. If that
means eating at Arbys, well than thats better than starving.
It’s amazing how even in the middle of no where they have all the franchises. It is kind of disgusting, that subway and McDonalds have broken ground on
some of natures last strong hold.
Pretty soon they will paint logos on the side of wild animals. You’ll have to swerve to miss hitting a deer that has a Nike swish pasted on its side.
JU
racing penguin
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01.14.08
Table for two and a half please…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 11:00 pm by Administrator
Going to a 24 hour restaurant right as the bars are emptying is amazing. People put the drama on high as I watch withe great interest hiding behind my
Moons Over My Hammy.
A combination of pancakes and alcohol make the volume of the conversations and the intensity splash out to the public like hot syrup running off a fat
mans chin. The TV show taxi cab confessions looks foolish next to my idea for Denny’s confessions. The catch phrases like ”that chick totally wanted me”
and “Do you know who I am” will be put on bumper stickers and embroidered on hats.
I’ll make millions I’m telling you….. millions, or at least get some free Denver Omelettes.
JU
Late night Diner
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01.11.08
You’re not crazy… but the voices in your head are.
Posted in Main Ramblings at 12:38 am by Administrator
Some times I feel like the whole world is crazy, but if most people on the planet were mad men then the sane would be the weirdos. All of these small
cities and towns I go to are starting to look the same. Every place has the same franchise restaurants and gas stations and I’m starting miss the variety of
the Mom and Pop shops. You didn’t have the security of these large chains, and you never new if they washed there hands or watered down the gasoline.
It was that guessing game that made things exciting, and after all variety is the spice of the crazy life.
JU
Coo Coo clock
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01.08.08
You picked a fine day to quit smoking, here’s your jet pack…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 8:55 pm by Administrator
Now is about the time where people start to forget their New Years resolution and the line up at McDonald’s gets longer again, except a few people are
still asking for diet soda with there calorie combo. I often get asked if I make resolutions on the New Year and I never really have. I don’t need a date in the
calendar to change my life, no sir that’s what crashing motorcycles and waking up in piles of vomit are for.
Most people I believe only stick to there resolutions for a few weeks, that’s why there is always new faces in the gym but they disappear faster than prom
date panties. I think to make a change in your life people usually need an eye opening experience, and the dawn of a new year doesn’t pack enough
oomph.
So what I’m trying to say is that if you want to make changes in your life take a lot of dangerous risks. Then if something catches up to you, you’ll have a
little fuel to power that change and maybe you’ll appreciate life a little bit more. And that makes about as much sense as picking a day in the calendar.
JU
jet pack
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01.06.08
Well…
Posted in Main Ramblings at 11:32 pm by Administrator
I had a weird experience at a show last night. There was an older lady in the front row and I claimed she had Betty Crocker hair, people laughed and then
she pulled off her wig. She was as bald as an egg. It was awkward, but I moved on and the show actually turned out well.
JU
Betty Crocker
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NEWS:
 | Featured Headliner 2007-09 FunnyFest Comedy Festivals | |
| You can hear him on Satellite Radio | |
| Great Plains Comedy Festival | |
| Performed at 2008 Edinburgh Fringe Festival | |
| His online videos have been featured on myspace and youtube | |
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| James Uloth (Who): You might recognise him from his stand up comedy or from his wildly popular videos on the Internet. Millions of viewers have logged on to watch what James has come up with almost every week. Using the inter-web as a platform James has launched a career that has taken him across Canada, The United States and England. |
| Ok but tell me some more (Story): This sharp tongued young comic has exploded onto the comedy scene. With a knack for winning over audiences he stands poised on stage captivating you with a combination of wit and charm. So sit back and laugh as he dishes out the comedy in bite size digestible chunks for you to enjoy. It's a comedy revolution. |
